Y’all. I already love Emily Ley. And her new book, When Less Becomes More: Making Space For Slow, Simple, and Good, speaks to my heart. And simultaneously splits open my most deep-seeded insecurities as a mom. Because I’m afraid every day that I’m doing it ALL.WRONG. Some days I really feel like I’ve got this stay-at-home mom thing nailed. And other days, it’s like I’m nailing jello to the freaking wall.

The only thing I’ve truly ever felt a calling for is motherhood. I went into college with an undeclared major, decided on accounting as a foundation for law school, decided against law school, graduated, and got a masters degree because it seemed the right path at the time. I got married and worked for two years out of college before having Nolan and staying home full-time. When you feel like motherhood has always been your calling, the last thing you want to feel is that you’re failing at the one thing you were cut out to do.

Being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is great, but it can also be hard. There’s no off switch on motherhood, and when you’re surrounded by it 24-7, it’s hard to get any “down time”. My days as a SAHM mom are sometimes spent with nonstop hopping In and out of the car, buckling car seats two at a time. Dropoff, preschool dropoff, groceries, errands, gymnastics, volunteering, doctor’s appointments, you know the drill. But there are the slower days- slow, simple, and good, as Emily would say.

What I realized though, is even on these slower days - my day planner has lots of white space (another thing Emily would say), but it quickly fills with to-dos. There’s a lot to do at home - bills, meal planning, cleaning, planning, organizing, school paperwork- this is not unique. But see, here’s where the guilt creeps in. It’s NOT unique. Is it not true that working moms have all these to-do list items too? Yes, they do. And honestly, I have no idea how in the heck they do it. Sure, maybe getting some of this accomplished during the work day frees up more family time on the evenings and weekends. But what reading this book helped me realize is, as a SAHM, not only do you have to be intentional about carving out “me” time (can I just pee alone for crying out loud?!). But it’s also incredibly important to be intentional about my kid time too. It’s all too easy to get bogged down with the day to day of keeping the littles alive and the house liveable. It’s so easy to get distracted by bills, emails, school papers, never-ending laundry, phone calls, text messages, and social media. There’s always something to pick up, a cupboard (or twenty) to organize. If I’d just keep up on everything, and STAY organized, I wouldn’t have to constantly RE-organize. It’s a vicious cycle. In a houseful of 6, it’s damn near impossible to keep up with EVERYTHING all the time.

I love being a stay-at-home mom- motherhood was my calling, remember? So, why do I find myself spending so little time on the daily nose to nose with the littles? My time is sucked up by all those other responsibilities, and more importantly, those distractions. I love to be home with my kids. And don’t get me wrong, we do things together - play dates, activities, summer trips to the beach. But it’s the daily routine guilt that hits me hard. Being more intentional about that eyeball to eyeball time in the mundane, normal days. This book warmed my heart, and allowed me to see the beauty in slow.

Do I need to do this RIGHT now, or can I stop for a game of catch? Do I rush tucking the kids in so I can appreciate the peace and quiet, or do I succumb to the 2-year-old pleas and lay with her, nose to nose, while she repeats, “dat was weally funny”, to avoid closing her eyes. More aware and better attempts to avoid the daily distractions sucking up my time, I’ve found myself helping build the fort, accepting a ping-pong challenge even when I know I’ll get my ass kicked, sitting cross-legged on the floor swapping word-search strategies, marveling in the innocence of repeated prayers to babies, and gently rocking plastic babies swaddled with toddler hands.

As moms, we’re all just out there, doing our best. If you work from home, outside the home, or are paid solely in smiles and kisses from those inside your home, this is what motherhood is about. Sure, you have to juggle the rest, because, well, life. But I think we could all stand to be reminded to enjoy what’s under our noses: the slow, the simple, the good.