When we first decided to host an exchange student, one of our main concerns was the fact that we don’t have any teenage children – our oldest is only 8. We were concerned mostly that she would be disappointed to only have much younger siblings. In fact, we even considered waiting to host a student until we had a child who would be at the same school - the benefit of having an instant friend, if you will. However, we ultimately decided to move ahead because we noted the advantages of taking on a 5th child while there was a major gap. Because our children are younger, ranging in age from 1 to 8, their activities are limited. The boys (8 and 6) are just getting involved trying out different sports to see what they like. While the girls, only 3 and 1, are involved in almost nothing at all (besides tearing the house apart all day!). With our own children’s activities considerably less involved than that of a teenager, it allows for our student to get involved, and for us to have more time to attend her events, when we’re not already running 4 different directions with busy adolescents of our own. Additionally, I spoke with another host mom of young children, who noted the very real possibility that host family adolescents and exchange students can often clash personalities and make for a much more difficult adjustment or situation. Ultimately, there’s no time like the present, right?!
While we have avoided the woes of teenage sibling rivalry, the age gap has presented a few unexpected challenges.
The first challenge centers around the very obvious fact that we are a family of 2 drivers. While our activities are not too chaotic, there are still 5 kids to juggle, with only 2 people to get from point A to B to C to Timbuktu. Couple that with the fact that my husband travels for work, typically more so at the height of fall activities and school starting, this becomes much more challenging. A teenage driver of our own would certainly be pretty helpful. Additionally, great care is taken to match families with common interests. For example, if our teenage boys played soccer, we would likely look to host a boy who would like to play soccer as well. Schedules would line up, and transportation could be shared – hallelujah! This has not been much of an issue for us, as Mel has not yet gotten involved in a lot of extracurricular activities; however, if you are a family with younger children and are thinking of hosting a student, this is certainly a challenge to consider.
The most difficult obstacle for our family has been the inability to draw comparisons between Mel and our own children. We’ve never had a teenager, and it’s been over a decade since we were teenagers ourselves! It’s easy to forget the dynamic that surrounds teenage life.
If you’ve ever had young children, you know, they often rise before the sun, and they’d rather do just about anything than take a nap. Oh, oh, not so with a teenager! Honestly, I don’t for the life of me know how Mel sleeps through the Saturday morning chaos at our house. 4 voices ranging in caliber from excited to enraged sports fan fill the house, yet, she sleeps. Teenagers sleep, A LOT apparently. It kinda gives me hope that someday, I will too. Someday my small army will long to sleep in on the weekends and my night owl brain will finally get the rest it requires. Until then, coffee. Back to the point: while sleep schedules are a very notable difference, the only real challenge it’s presented is the lack of time spent with Mel. She will perhaps never know what we talk about around the breakfast table ;)
Seriously though, the most difficult part has centered around day-to-day expectations. It is incredibly more difficult than expected to figure out what Mel should be doing. While she loves our kids, not a lot of 16 year olds like to play with army figurines or make up a game to play outside all day. Adolescents are a whole different ball game: toys and imaginative play are replaced with smartphones and Netflix. And then there’s chores: what is appropriate? If we had other teenagers at home, it would be much easier to simply enforce the rules and weave another teen into everyday life. Furthermore, I sometimes forget that she’s not actually an adult, and expect her to show the initiative of one. If you see something that should be done – do it. Turns out, teenagers actually require quite a bit more direction, which has forced me to become a better communicator.
While this is our first and only experience we can speak of, with every situation come pros and cons. Had we waited to host until our kids were older, these challenges would be replaced with others. But ultimately, we would have missed out on getting to know Mel. The key is to keep communication open, address any issues that arise, and always make the most of your experience.
Keep checking back for more exchange fun, experiences, and insights!